I wanted to finish the “Where I’m At” series today, but I don’t think I have the energy. I also don’t think I have the energy to write either of the other posts I’ve had in mind for this blog. Or any of the other posts for my other blogs — especially not “Where I’m At” for AODA. So I’m posting a brief post here.
Yesterday and today are my first days back at Flamekeeping. I actually remembered that I was still Flamekeeping for Brighid today in addition to yesterday. That had become a real problem after I got sick, but before I set up Flamekeeping on my old phone. Then I got too sick to do it regularly, and then at all. Then, my old phone needed to be replaced and it was only recently that I figured out how to set up a way to keep track of Flamekeeping on my new phone.
With the help of my endocrinologist, a homepathic practicioner, a nutritionist, a lot of research, friends, family, and a battery of other doctors, my condition(s?) is/are getting under control. I’m gradually getting better, though “all the way better” probably isn’t ever going to be an option again this lifetime. But I’m hoping that I’ll be able to manage a return to Flamekeeping.
Yesterday, I was mindful of Flametending. I felt pretty head blind. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. And I certainly don’t have a “God phone” the way some people do. (Though I do believe that we can all talk to the Gods and that they are generally inclined to listen. But that’s my UPG). But I’m not head blind often enough that when I am it’s kind of disconcerting. That might be a good thing, though. I was super jittery after the Gaia ritual and I’m usually not after working with her. Post ritual jitters are never a fun experience for me.
Anyway, yesterday, the main things I did Brighid and Flamekeeping wise were a little bit of knitting. And postponing the ritual and question I have for her until today when I realized I was too tired. The last part applies because it’s been my experience and observation that a lot of people’s Gods want them to take care of themself, including mine. And Brighid is really up there, as far as taking care of myself goes, with her associations with healing.
I did put away and organize a bunch of clutter yesterday and wrote in my journal, but those were both before my shift officially started.
Today I’m extremely pleased because I remembered that I was still Flametending and I lit the candle fairly soon after waking up today. I wrote in my journal, which wasn’t poetry or precisely creative, but it is writing. It also allows me to clear my head so I can be creative and it’s important to me. I also washed some of the dishes. Most of them, actually. And I was mindful of her while I was doing them and of my house, my family, myself, and taking care of us while I did it. Though I still didn’t like doing dishes any more than I normally do! :-p
Part of the way through my legs started shaking. I did a few more, but was mindful of my health and didn’t push myself.
I don’t know if I’ll do the ritual and question tonight or not. I wanted to and I was hoping to do it earlier in the day, but stuff came up and I was really not looking forward to it. So I may postpone that, especially because I’m not sure that I feel up to it. But if I don’t, I have to figure out what I’m doing tomorrow. That’s when the Cernunnos ritual is supposed to be. And I already have to try to get fasting bloodwork done tomorrow, which kind of messes up my day in regards to food and meds, so I probably won’t be at the top of my game tomorrow.
I’m using a red seven day candle and hoping to start using an oil lamp kind of deal soon. Though the red is beautiful and reminds me of her, and it’s a much better option than the one I was using before.
I’m hoping to get some more knitting done before my shift ends and I’d like to set air freshener cones near the litter boxes, which is something easy I can check off my list for today and something that falls squarely within the realm of house and home.
I wanted to write about the ritual calendar today, but I’m not sure I have it in me.
Also, off and on for the past few minutes, my phone has been making weird shrieking sound, which is kind of freaking my out. I have no idea why and it hurts my ears. It sounds almost exactly like the feedback you get if you plug two ends of a cable into an amplifier while it’s turned on. And Phire, my tech guru husband is (I believe) asleep, so I can’t ask him about it right now.
And…on that random note, I think I’m going to call it a day for blogging.