Life Happens

I just wrote a long post about feeling like I’m not being “Pagan Enough” essentially. It’s not really about living up to other peoples standards, it’s about living up to my own. And part of it is purely selfish — I feel better when I actively express my spirituality.

But the thing is — life happens. In November I had a flu. We got a puppy, which I think I mentioned. She is sweet and good and adorable. I love her and I’m so glad we got her. But puppies are a LOT of work. Then, in December, I had a cold. In the last two months, I spent either four or five weekends away from home. I had just gotten over the cold when I got my period. Money is really, really tight for us right now. It’s always tight, but now it’s tighter than usual. I haven’t had time or energy to dedicate to writing or to the at-home businesses we’re trying to get off the ground — and neither has anyone else. And I’ve had lots of doctors appointments with lots more coming up.

The not practicing hasn’t just been over the last two months, so all of that isn’t entirely to blame for it. But it sure doesn’t help. And the chronic illness factor is mostly to blame, but there just isn’t much I can do about that.

But it helps to pause and realize that there really is a lot of stuff to factor in. Now I just need to make a concerted effort to do more of what I want to do without burning myself out.



This is just a little update because I haven’t posted here or on my other blogs lately.

Almost everything in my life has been on hold lately because — we got a puppy! I’m exceedingly happy about it and we love her wholeheartedly. But she is high energy and needs constant supervision at this point. This, in addition to the four cats, very old house, and and a couple of acres of property to take care of. There is also my medical stuff, which has NOT been put on hold, even with the puppy, because I can’t afford to. Finally, I had ongoing problems with my cell phone since June or July when I first got it. I now have a different phone and the issue has been resolved, but until just a few days ago, it was taking up a huge amount of my time, energy, and mental and emotional resources. Household chores have been suffering, but we still need to eat, have clean clothes, etcetera.

We had friends over for Thanksgiving and spent most of a week having people coming, leaving, and staying over. Though a couple of our friends are going through rough times right now, we mostly had a good time and I’m glad we did it, but it was hectic, confusing, chaotic, and sometimes downright troubling.

I definitely need to rework the ritual schedule I came up, at least until our new puppy is older. But in all likelyhood, I’ll have to rework it anyway, as it was proving to be too much for me even before the new dog arrived.

Finally, there are some minor household repairs we need to do, and all of this is right on the heels of all three of us getting miserably sick with the flu.

I’m not complaining, life is pretty good, and I’m doing far better than I was for a few years there, so I’m pretty happy.

I love our dog, our cats, our house, our property, my significant others, my family, and several of our friends.

I’ll try to post more often here or on my other blogs, but we’ll see what happens — for a while, anyway.


*WARNING — potentially deppressing rant ahead*

I really, really don’t feel like writing a blog post right now. So why am I? I don’t know. Because it’s been over a month since I blogged here, probably as long or longer on my other blogs. And because I’m frustrated.

I’ve been dealing with my phone malfunctioning periodically since June or July, which is when I got it.

I have the flu. I am, however, super excited that I didn’t need to go the hospital because I have the flu (trust me, that’s a really big deal)! And I’m getting over having the flu, which is awesome.

I’m annoyed with myself over all the stuff I haven’t been getting done around the house.

I only got two of the five, six, or seven small rituals done that I planned to last month. I Flamekept, so that’s three I suppose. But I missed Mabon. I didn’t leave offerings for my other Gods besides one. I didn’t ask their permission to work with the potential new entity, except for one. And now it’s almost Samhain. I’ve only done the one Flamekeeping shift. I missed my last one, and there’s one in two days, I believe, that overlaps with the new moon, when I also want to honor The Morrighan.

I did really well with journaling in September. I only missed four or five days for the whole month. But then, two weeks into October, not even, really, and I missed four days by then. So I missed the same number of days in two weeks that I had previously missed in a month. So far, I’ve either missed four or five days this month. Granted, one of them was the worst of the days I was sick with the flu.

The ceiling is falling down in the dining room due to an incompetent job by the heating guy. The door knob on our front door is broken. There is a hole patched with cardboard and printer paper in the drywall in our attic, which we use as the bedroom. The lawn needs to be mowed and the litter scooped. The sink is full of dirty, germy dishes. Less than a month ago, a sewer main at our curb overflowed, which mercifully was not our problem…except that the pipes in our house gurlgled and backed up because of it for two days and there was sewage around our house for days afterwards. The whole house needs a thorough cleaning. All three of us are still hacking and coughing up phlegm, and SJ still has a fever.

I am tired, and sick, and frustrated. Angry, even. I’m angry mostly because I feel so fricking helpless.

Somehow, someway, I will pull myself out of this.