I’m Grumpy (Mopey Rant)

I feel guilty for whining. I’m over the worst of my cold by far, but it just doesn’t want to quit. We managed to pay off a big bill entirely this month, which is great. Phire is officially into his trial period at college and doing well. And I didn’t have to go to the hospital over this cold, which is great. We also have food and plenty of it — not something to sneeze over. And my college application is completely submitted. My friend submitted my recommendation letter and loaned me the money for the application fee. I’m just waiting for them to receive my transcripts. But I called my high school because I was getting nervous and they said they sent them out. My grandmother bought me a new pair of shoes. We ordered three books this month that I wanted (two were cheap and replacements for copies that got destroyed in a flood years ago — the third wasn’t so cheap but I’ve wanted it for years). Two of them came, and I’m waiting on the third. And I got four reasonably cheap t-shirts yesterday. Three are black, one is dark gray, and I like them all. It’s good to have clothes that fit me and don’t contribute to my dysphoria again. And it’s especially good to have black clothes that fit that description again. I’m also caught up in my college courses, which is really good. Though I didn’t do as well as I hoped in them for the first week’s peer review grades.

But my sleep schedule is screwed up. My med schedule yesterday and today are screwed up. And I have SO FREAKING LITTLE ENERGY! I’m worried about finances and there is a to-do list of 18 things (it started out as 32) that have to get done. Most of them I have to do myself, though a few Phire and SJ can do. And my friend volunteered to do a few of them, which I really appreciate. But I have no energy to do the things that I have to do.

I still haven’t celebrated Beltaine because I haven’t been well enough, haven’t had enough energy, and haven’t had enough time.

I also have been doing VERY little writing. I wrote one journal entry in May, started one other one, and then wrote a grumbly little thing today that was less than a page long and mostly consisted of how much I didn’t feel like writing. I think this is my second or third blog post this month. And I wrote a verse for a project for one of my online courses. But that’s it.

And I also haven’t been able to practice music.