Getting Back In Practice


I haven’t written for CampNaNoWriMo for many, many days. I’m going to try to start doing it again today. They are five days until I can validate my word count if I make it in time, and seventeen more days left to write in the month.

In fact, I also haven’t been doing a lot of the other things I need or want to do.

In some ways, it was being an adult that stopped me for a while. There’s more of that grown-up type stuff I need to do coming up, but a lot of it is done.

Some of it was also just that I wasn’t feeling well. Not sick, really, just not well.

And some was just procrastination and picking a really bad time to do some stuff. Like last week, I started going back on Facebook when I normally avoid it. Although, I do go on to gain more entries for contests. Once or twice a year I go on Facebook for a few days to two or three months. Then real life takes over, or I get overwhelmed with all the drama, or disgusted with all the time I’m wasting, or frazzled by all the notifications, and I go off of it again.

But I’d wanted to check on some people and see what was going on with them. Unfortunately, I got into a disagreement with someone I know on there because of something I posted. It took a lot of time and energy, and was really stressful, especially because it was over an issue that’s personal to me. It still isn’t really resolved, but I just started ignoring it.

But good things happened. Someone donated an item to me that I could really use and I connected with some people I have things in common with, so that was good.

After the fallout from the altercation with that one guy, I decided not to post anything else to my wall for a while. I want to stay a member of the groups that are helpful to me on there, but they are closed groups, so they shouldn’t cause drama. I’m staying off Facebook for now, because it’s taking a lot of time and energy, I have other stuff to do, and so forth. But I also started leaving groups I don’t care about and stopping notifications from most of the others. I’ll still have to do the same thing for likes, pages, everything like that, so it’ll take a while. When I go back to it, I plan to reply when people message me, tag me, or post on my wall, but that’s it. Other than that, I plan to just post in the closed groups I’m a member of. It’ll be hard to do, to get in the habit of not posting, but worth it, I think. Eliminating groups, pages, and their notifications should clear out my feed so that I’m mostly getting updates from actual people I know, I hope. But if even that causes problems, I believe Facebook now has a setting where you can make it so that only you can post on your own wall. So I may do that.

In the meantime, I’m getting back in practice for doing the things I want to do. Or need to do. Last night, I journaled for the first time since the ninth. I knit for the first time since March last night, as well. Today I practiced bass for the first time since March. And today I’m also hoping to do CampNaNoWriMo writing. I also want to work in meditation, chakra cleansing and balancing, and spending time in nature. For the chakra stuff, once a week should probably be fine. Spending time in nature will probably not be every day, though I want to work up to that.

I’d like the other things to be every day, but they probably won’t all be. Knitting will probably slide the most, and possibly bass practice. But I at least want to get back to at least once every three days for musical practice.

After CampNaNoWriMo, maybe I can work on making more of the other things be at least once every day.

So that’s it for now.

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Mixed feelings about CampNaNoWriMo


I wrote 1,114 words last night, giving me a five day buffer and — I think — a total of 4,187 words for this years CampNaNoWriMo for April so far. That also means that after I get three more days worth of writing done, I’ll be more than halfway there. The closest I’ve ever gotten to completing a CampNaNoWriMo was 8,459 words — also with a 10,000 word goal. But I was working on a bunch of stuff then, as opposed to one manuscript.

So before the BIG goal, I have two little goals to shoot for surpassing: 5,000 words (the halfway mark) and 8,459 words (the farthest I’ve gotten before).

Naturally, I’m ecstatic about all of this. And yet.

I haven’t missed a day of writing completely yet, though I did miss meeting my word count goal for one day (though I more than made up for it), and it’s getting exhausting.

Almost every day I’ve finished my writing after midnight. And by the time I save all of my documents, usually in two formats, back them all up, and update my word count on the CampNaNoWriMo webpage, it’s even later than that.

Lots of stuff is dropping by the wayside. I went several days without calling a family member that I should have called sooner. They didn’t seem to mind, and it worked out okay, but I feel guilty about it.

With the exception of one day, my journal writing has been pretty slim. I only missed one or two days of it, but my entries have been short and I’ve left out a lot of stuff I wanted to write about.

I’ve walked the dog again now that we have a new gentle leader, which a dear friend of ours ordered for us, after she ate part of her old one. But I’ve been letting housework slide. I’m deeply appreciate of Phire, who did a bang up job with a lot of housework and decluttering today.

I haven’t been knitting. I started a blanket last year with needles and yarn donated by family and friends. It’s three panels, and I’m on the last one now, but I haven’t touched that panel since March. Knitting is soothing and meditative for me, and I also try to do it as a devotional act for Brighid.

I’m hoping to give the blanket to my mother, and I was hoping to have it ready in time for her birthday, but that’s unlikely, as her birthday (and Phire’s) is only ten days away.

And I think I mentioned in another post that I’ve barely been reading.

I also haven’t practiced bass for at least a week. SJ and I have a system set up where I try not to go more than three days without practicing — bass, guitar, or vocals, though bass is the main thing. But I just haven’t been managing. I love making music and listening to music. I don’t want to forget what I know, and I want to improve and learn new things, and bass will also qualify for the Bard path in AODA, so that’s upsetting.

I’m doing things like balancing checkbooks, budgeting, and paying bills and dealing with utilities companies today, and I’m just taking a break from that to write this. I was hoping to have all that stuff done in one day, but it’s late enough that it looks like it might stretch into two.

Also, my body has decided that today is a perfect day for me to deal with LOTS of pain, for some random reason, so I’m dealing with that too.

I’ll try to get more adult stuff done and then I’ll see about writing some more for CampNaNoWriMo if I can.

Flamekeeping 9/13/14 to 9/14/14


I wanted to finish the “Where I’m At” series today, but I don’t think I have the energy. I also don’t think I have the energy to write either of the other posts I’ve had in mind for this blog. Or any of the other posts for my other blogs — especially not “Where I’m At” for AODA. So I’m posting a brief post here.

Yesterday and today are my first days back at Flamekeeping. I actually remembered that I was still Flamekeeping for Brighid today in addition to yesterday. That had become a real problem after I got sick, but before I set up Flamekeeping on my old phone. Then I got too sick to do it regularly, and then at all. Then, my old phone needed to be replaced and it was only recently that I figured out how to set up a way to keep track of Flamekeeping on my new phone.

With the help of my endocrinologist, a homepathic practicioner, a nutritionist, a lot of research, friends, family, and a battery of other doctors, my condition(s?) is/are getting under control. I’m gradually getting better, though “all the way better” probably isn’t ever going to be an option again this lifetime. But I’m hoping that I’ll be able to manage a return to Flamekeeping.

Yesterday, I was mindful of Flametending. I felt pretty head blind. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. And I certainly don’t have a “God phone” the way some people do. (Though I do believe that we can all talk to the Gods and that they are generally inclined to listen. But that’s my UPG). But I’m not head blind often enough that when I am it’s kind of disconcerting. That might be a good thing, though. I was super jittery after the Gaia ritual and I’m usually not after working with her. Post ritual jitters are never a fun experience for me.

Anyway, yesterday, the main things I did Brighid and Flamekeeping wise were a little bit of knitting. And postponing the ritual and question I have for her until today when I realized I was too tired. The last part applies because it’s been my experience and observation that a lot of people’s Gods want them to take care of themself, including mine. And Brighid is really up there, as far as taking care of myself goes, with her associations with healing.

I did put away and organize a bunch of clutter yesterday and wrote in my journal, but those were both before my shift officially started.

Today I’m extremely pleased because I remembered that I was still Flametending and I lit the candle fairly soon after waking up today. I wrote in my journal, which wasn’t poetry or precisely creative, but it is writing. It also allows me to clear my head so I can be creative and it’s important to me. I also washed some of the dishes. Most of them, actually. And I was mindful of her while I was doing them and of my house, my family, myself, and taking care of us while I did it. Though I still didn’t like doing dishes any more than I normally do! :-p
Part of the way through my legs started shaking. I did a few more, but was mindful of my health and didn’t push myself.

I don’t know if I’ll do the ritual and question tonight or not. I wanted to and I was hoping to do it earlier in the day, but stuff came up and I was really not looking forward to it. So I may postpone that, especially because I’m not sure that I feel up to it. But if I don’t, I have to figure out what I’m doing tomorrow. That’s when the Cernunnos ritual is supposed to be. And I already have to try to get fasting bloodwork done tomorrow, which kind of messes up my day in regards to food and meds, so I probably won’t be at the top of my game tomorrow.

I’m using a red seven day candle and hoping to start using an oil lamp kind of deal soon. Though the red is beautiful and reminds me of her, and it’s a much better option than the one I was using before.

I’m hoping to get some more knitting done before my shift ends and I’d like to set air freshener cones near the litter boxes, which is something easy I can check off my list for today and something that falls squarely within the realm of house and home.

I wanted to write about the ritual calendar today, but I’m not sure I have it in me.

Also, off and on for the past few minutes, my phone has been making weird shrieking sound, which is kind of freaking my out. I have no idea why and it hurts my ears. It sounds almost exactly like the feedback you get if you plug two ends of a cable into an amplifier while it’s turned on. And Phire, my tech guru husband is (I believe) asleep, so I can’t ask him about it right now.

And…on that random note, I think I’m going to call it a day for blogging.